Ron Kuwahara Archives - The Aging Artist

Exclusive or Inclusive?

The ‘In Crowd’

I have always aspired to be part of the ‘In Crowd’. These are the people with the talent, beauty, or wealth that formed an inner circle of elites. To belong to this exclusive group is the mark of success and status. In high school I was envious of classmates who were more popular, more athletic, more handsome. I wanted what they had. I was unhappy about my inadequacy.

When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;…
Shakespeare, Sonnet 29

As a consequence, I imagined there must be a hierarchy of people based on their talent, beauty or wealth. The beautiful, rich and talented ones were superior to me while all others were in some way inferior. I envied those I judged to be superior and ignored those who were far below. This judgment colours many social situations.

Chasing Success

Society seems to reward achievement. Fame and reward go to those who succeed. Since I was a boy I have had this desire to be better than I am. I had to learn, study, and practice to be better in all aspects of my life.

In my need to succeed, I based my personal worth on performance. My sense of well being was dependent on approval. Instead of accepting that I was not musical or good at baseball, I concluded that I was a flawed person because of my poor skills. Even in activities I was good at, I found people who were better (hence superior) to me.

Much of my adult life I have felt an inadequacy about my capabilities, particularly in art. I still see the hierarchy that defines my place within the art world. I want to be invited into ‘In Crowd’, but often feel on the outside looking in and looking up.

Worthy or Not?

Awareness of my attitude came while attending my son’s grade 2 Christmas concert. As each class performed, I looked at the children. I noticed the kids with the best costume, the best voice, or the prettiest appearance.

Then I heard an inner voice say “Look at the children who are unseen”. I started seeing the plain kids, the shy ones, and those I judged to be unattractive. I suddenly felt terrible. Aren’t all children worthy of consideration?

In that moment I saw an ugly truth about my attitude. Those I judged above me deserved my respect. Those below were ignored and unworthy of my attention.

Who is worthy?

Who am I to judge anyone’s worth? Aren’t we all worthy of acceptance and inclusion? Can I be accepted even if I fail to impress? Maybe if I accepted others for their present capabilities, I could feel accepted too.

It’s not only others who I am shunning. I am also shunning parts of me that I consider inferior. Can I bring myself back into wholeness with a more inclusive outlook?

As I get older, the more I stay focused on the acceptance of myself and others, and choose compassion over judgment and curiosity over fear.“
Tracee Ellis Ross

Accepting Myself

No wonder my need for achievement was so important. If I failed to perform, I would be unworthy. I would feel shame in the presence of superior artists. My artwork would be judged and dismissed by the serious art world.

Still wanting to join an exclusive club of ‘successful’ artists is misdirected effort. Rather than feeling despondent that I am not a leading artist, or a prestigious award winner or a media favourite, it’s time that I accepted myself for who I am as an artist. Rather than lamenting what I am not, I want to feel that I have a role in the art scene.

I Don’t Want to Belong to Any Club That Will Accept Me as a Member
Groucho Marx

Community

I no longer want the art world to feel like an elitist hierarchy where I feel excluded. I want the art world to be a community of unique creators. I want to embrace the community of artists that I already know. I want to welcome artists who may be unseen and unappreciated.

All artists start as novices. Like the children in the Christmas concert, we are first unseen and unrecognized. Through continuous effort and years of practice we work our way to success and recognition. The journey starts with the sheer love of making marks on paper, doodling or mixing colours. These worthy activities are necessary for something new to arise.

Making marks, splashing colour, doodling, finding sermons in stones, patterns in wood

Accepting Results

Not everyone climbs to the top of the art pyramid. Recognition and reward often lie beyond our control. We need to accept the rewards we are given. That should be perfectly fine. Our self worth is not dependent on achievement. We can be satisfied with the effort we make. The true reward is the journey we take in pursuing our dreams.

The journey between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of life really takes place. –
Barbara De Angelis

Why Beauty?

Sunrise, Sunset

Today my thoughts went in a strange direction. I woke to see the sun outside my window. Nowadays sunrises and sunsets seem rather ordinary or ‘ho hum’. The pale pink clouds seemed quite special after a week of overcast and rainy mornings.

This led me to ask two questions. Why can humans be moved to rapture by a sunrise? Who is able to find and appreciate the beauty in a scene?

Sentient Beings

I did at tiny bit of research. Consciousness or sentience is probably a requirement for appreciating beauty. This would eliminate the whole inorganic world of rocks, air or water from beauty awareness. I read that only animals with central nervous systems are capable of consciousness. This would eliminate all plants. A field of daffodils cannot be aware of its beauty. What about primitive animals? Can we suppose that in the Cretaceous Period a Tyrannosaur might stand on a hilltop and enjoy the setting sun?

Appreciating Beauty?https://bgr.com/science/t-rex-population-study/

If Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest has merit, many creatures would be more preoccupied with life and death concerns and would have little desire to enjoy the scenery.

Is Beauty Necessary?

Why did animals evolve the ability to see and appreciate beauty? Does beauty offer an evolutionary advantage? Perhaps it is an offshoot of the reproductive instinct whereby animals select the most beautiful mate. Other attributes such as strength or stamina may be better mating criteria than beauty. Perhaps a beautiful partner increases the urge to procreate.

A sense of beauty may have evolved from the care that animals give their offspring. Love and beauty have much in common. If so, then most mammals and birds are capable of appreciating beauty. Even so, we beauty seekers are in rare company.

Does Beauty Exist?

If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound if no one hears it? Does beauty exist if no one sees it? So much natural beauty is unseen and unappreciated.

Astronomical Numbers

An imagined star rise in another galaxy
https://www.dreamstime.com/

Consider only sunrises or sunsets. Billions of years of sunsets in a million places were never witnessed because there were no sentient beings in existence. Astronomers inform us that there are millions of galaxies each with billions of stars. This means there are trllions of incredible star rises or star sets on uninhabited worlds that are never witnessed.

Beauty and Art

Beauty and art have a close connection. Beholding something beautiful often inspires the creation process.

How lucky we are to be one of the rare (in geological history terms) sentient beings who can appreciate the sunrise over the ocean, or the colourful leaves of autumn.

Such beauty, created by patterns of light and shadow, inspires my paintings. I mix and splash paint into abstracted colour patches that form recognizable images from afar.

Fall into Winter, Acrylic on Canvas, 30″x 40″

Lost and Found

Lost

I remember the day in grade 1 that my life changed. My teacher asked everyone in the class to sing a solo. “Oh no!” We never sang at home, and I had never sung on my own.

One by one the other kids sang. Soon it was my turn. I stood and nervously stammered “Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow”. I heard the girl behind me say “He isn’t singing, he’s talking”.

In honesty, she was right about my monotone, but those words shattered my young ego. I gave up all hope of ever singing. For the next 30 years I never sang where I might be heard. I avoided situations where singing was a possibility. I gave up wanting to play a musical instrument.

People tell me they don’t do art because “I can’t draw”. At some point in their childhood they may have experienced my singing humiliation. How easily an offhand or candid comment can create discouragement for a tentative artist. Criticism can be devastating and stop us in our tracks.

Found

To my wife, singing and music-making come naturally. Her musicality is magic to me. A wonderful thing happened. She witnessed the pain singing was creating in me. She encouraged me and helped me with my problem. She patiently gave me piano lessons. She listened to me sing and noted that I could hit several notes on key.

I will never be a musician, but the fear of singing has diminished and I participate in musical activities. Music can be fun: I occasionally create pleasing sounds in solitude with a keyboard.

Making art is far more than drawing. Some of the most accomplished artists don’t draw well or choose to draw awkwardly. Look at

Jean Michel Basquiat https://www.wikiart.org/en/jean-michel-basquiat

Philip Guston https://www.philipguston.org/home or

David Salle http://www.davidsallestudio.net/.

It can be about colour, expressiveness, exuberance, gesture and pattern.

Discovery

For those who feel they can’t draw, consider trying art again. Take the chance. Pick up a crayon, pencil or brush and make some marks. Remember how a 3 year old child might do it. That’s a good place to start.

Canvas with acrylic blobs and splashes, cropped into squares

“Drawing is a skill you can learn even if you don’t have talent. Drawing requires … skills that people do not acquire at birth. Although some people may naturally draw better than others initially, practice and study are the factors that differentiate a good artist from a common one.” (see link below)

https://enhancedrawing.com/is-drawing-talent-or-skill/#:~:text=Drawing%20is%20a%20skill%20you,artist%20from%20a%20common%20one.

I sometimes think there is nothing so delightful as drawing.” Vincent van Gogh

Why am I blogging?

Hi and welcome to my web log. This online venture is starting slowly and erratically. I am somewhat baffled by the procedures to set up webpages and how to organize the site. I just have to start and move ahead one problem at a time.

Who am I?

I am a 76 year old man with a Japanese ethnicity. I am pure 100% Canadian . I had a satisfying career as a phyicist working for the Canadian government. Science only satisfied part of my life’s aspirations so I went back to art school during my semi- retirement. Going to the Nova Scotia College of Art and Design was a wonderful and stimulating educational experience for me. In 2011 I graduated with a BFA in painting.

I also love playing active sports of all kinds (hockey, skiing, and biking are my current favourites).

I am very curious about the world and seem to be compulsive about learning- especially in the areas of history, psychology, evolution, technology, human performance, health, physics, religion and countless other fields. Here are some of my favourite books in my studio library.

That’s only part of who I am. Here is another picture. I have very limited musical skills, no sense of rhythm, and can’t carry a tune.

I am impatient, fairly stubborn, slow to anger and take life way too seriously. I am probably an introvert but possibly a closet extravert, depending on circumstances.

Art is my Focus

All these traits and interests consciously and unconciously affect my art. I call myself an artist these days. I no longer feel qualified call myself a scientist as I have lost so many skills and forgotten so much (differential equations, geophysics, thermodynamics, etc.).

Getting Old

The big elephant in my room is aging. I am getting old. The consequences of aging can no longer be ignored or denied. To others I may seem to be handling ‘getting old’ quite well. Dealing with the numerous facets of aging is a real daily internal struggle for sure.

Curiosity on Art and Aging

This blog addresses my curiosity about the aging process and how it is influencing my art practise and more importantly- me!

I hope that sharing my thoughts and experiences on aging and art will create a dialogue with you. Maybe new friendships will arise.

My Art Practice

These days painting is my main avocation, and I spend several hours each day on art activities- looking at art, collecting ideas, conceiving projects, or in my studio or workshop.

It’s really a wonderful way to spend each day. (Whether art can pay the bills and be financially rewarding is debatable.)

This is an excerpt from an artist statemenf for one of my art gallery shows a few years ago in Halifax.. Its very dry and intellecual (pretentious?) that tries to explain why I paint landscapes.

“Vision is a complex interaction between the human eye and the brain. Much of our visual attention is focused on searching for specific objects within a scene. Despite our preoccupation with objects within focal area, our peripheral vision captures the wider sensations of the colour and light and provides our subconscious with an overall picture.”

Here is an example of a landscape painting based on common wilderness scenes of Nova Scotia.

My Art Website

A full description of my paintings can be found on my Artist Website

https://sites.google.com/site/ronaldkuwahara/home