I feel guilty that I have not produced a new post. Last year I committed to regularly write this blog, possibly every two weeks. Here are reasons why I have not kept this commitment.
Conflict of Interest
Life has offered other tempting activities. Winter came late to Nova Scotia, so I skied the final sunny cold days. Travel planning, drawing and painting occupied my attention. By the end of the day, I felt too tired to work on the blog. I feel guilty that other parts of my life are more important than blogging.
No Value
The blog is not a newspaper that reports events (no matter how mundane) to a paid readership. It’s a waste of effort to create trivial posts just to meet a schedule.
Not all trivial things stay trivial. Seinfeld, one of the most sitcoms, was a show about ‘nothing’. The humour was in the mundane aspects of daily life.
“There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.”
I won’t publish what I had for breakfast or where I went for my walk. Those may be good topics for Facebook.
Rejected Headlines
Here are a few headlines that I won’t be writing.
Failed Expectations
Other Priorities
Some posts haven’t worked out. I was hoping to present the ideas and works of other artists. I was hoping to discuss the influence of artificial intelligence and radical technologies on art.
These ideas require more research, effort, and insight than I am willing to devote. They may become feasible in the future.
Solution: Quality Over Quantity
A rejected painting
I should only write posts that offer value. I need to reject weak proposals.
The content has to be organized and well written. I should only write and publish articles that meet a high standard.
Half Way Isn’t Far Enough
I have several posts waiting in the queue. They need refinement, revision, editing and imagery to complete the narrative.
Half-done posts should not be published. Like the paintings below they are not ready for viewing, I need to be fully satisfied before I reveal the final product.
Half Done Paintings
Completion
My commitment is to produce fewer but better posts. I need to convert incomplete ideas into finalized works.
Be patient. Keep plugging. Keep working slowly but steadily. The final product should be worth waiting for!
Some beautiful chapters in this book called life, always remain incomplete.”
Last week I got up early to ski, and marveled at the sunrise. What a beautiful start to the day! What will the time ahead bring?
I had fun cruising the ski runs. The day passed quickly and before long the sun was setting over Martock
I was reminded of the lyrics of from the musical, Fiddler on the Roof:
… sunrise, sunset sunrise, sunset, swiftly flow the days. seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers, blossoming even as we gaze.
sunrise, sunset sunrise, sunset swiftly fly the years, one season following another, laiden with happiness and tears…
I can feel the days pass by with each sunset. I wish I could slow down time.
With each sunrise the world slowly changes . I wonder how this slow change will transform as the future unfolds. How far into the future could I look?
1 Day Ahead
Personally not much changes over one day. My heart beats an extra 72,000 times, and I walk another 8000 steps. My calendar contains events similar to today. There is laughter and conversation and joy and sorrow all mixed together. Life seems comfortable and predictable.
1 Year Ahead
In one year my life would not change too much, I can expect some aging to occur. I will have problems maintaining my health and my possessions. World politics will remain turbulent. There will be unforeseen personal and societal events events that could drastically change my life. I should have the resources to handle most of these situations. The days will be full of memorable or meaningful moments. I will witness many sunsets.
Salutation to the Dawn
Listen to the salutation to the dawn, Look to this day for it is life, the very life of life, In its brief course lie all the verities and realities of our existence.
The bliss of growth, the splendor of beauty, For yesterday is but a dream and tomorrow is only a vision,
But today well spent makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well therefore to this day. Such is the salutation to the dawn.
~Sanskrit, attributed to Kālidāsa
10 Years Ahead
My life will be different a decade from now. My health and family situation will change. My son will establish a career and start a family. My wife and I may be downsizing and living a quieter life. We may be watching the sunset from a seniors’ apartment. The possibility of death and illness loom large.
Life continues normally for almost everyone day by day. The planet has not changed significantly but has provided humankind with the usual chaos of hurricanes, blizzards, droughts and deluges.
100 Years Ahead
I will definitely be dead and gone. I have left a small legacy based on a few paintings that may still exist. A Google search of my name may turn up a few scientific or artistic references. My DNA may live on through my son’s children. I possibly may be someone’s great great grandfather.
We therefore commit this body to the ground, earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; ….’.
Book of Common Prayer
New people will be living in our house, which will be unrecognizable. The neighbourhood may have become dilapidated or torn down and rebuilt. Everything else I own and value will be dispersed or destroyed.
Memories of a long-lost era
The memories and experiences of billions of people will be forgotten with each generation. Most photographs, emails, DVD’s and other media will be lost over the century.
Global warming will have flooded the old shoreline, drastically altering Halifax. The population of Canada will have doubled. Society and technology will be unrecognizable.
The earth’s geography will be altered by climate change and human consumption. Politics and war will have drastically changed the prosperity and hierarchy of nations. The colours of sunrises and sunsets will be affected by the change in climate.
1000 Years ahead
There will be numerous terrible wars (possibly nuclear). The survivors will be trying to rebuild civilization. Will we have learned to cooperate or will we continue with conflict and competition? Will intellect or emotion influence the outcome?
History will say the 20th century was the beginning of the end with the invention of nuclear weapons and the start of climate change. Only the most outrageous and most brilliant people of today will be remembered by history, much like Genghis Khan or Aristotle.
Countries like Canada and USA will no longer exist and new political entities will dominate. The climate will be different, extremely hot or cold and massively influenced by human activity. Wilderness will no longer exist and most wild animals will be extinct. Maybe humankind will be exploring other planets and nearby stars systems.
Almost all material products (cars, electronics, crafts, furniture) from 2023 will be trashed or preserved in museums. All the 21st century buildings and infrastructure will have decayed or been replaced. Cities will have been abandoned or underwater or rebuilt on higher ground.
Alternatively humankind may have developed a profound responsibility to be the earth’s custodian; we may have transformed the planet into a place of peace, enlightenment and harmony, a true heaven on earth.
Although the earth remains geographically similar to 2023, humankind will have endured massive earthquakes and volcanic eruptions, creating spectacular sunsets lasting decades.
Sunrise in 3023?
10,000 Years into the Future
The earth still has a 24 hour day and the sun and moon move in similar orbits. The climate is much hotter than today. Some regions near the equator are uninhabitable by humans and life has moved to the polar regions. The human genome has been altered so humans look and think differently. People will be more diverse and specialized. Humans from 2023 are considered an ancient branch of the modern humanoids of 12023.
Nothing social or cultural we recognize today will exist. Countries, societies and civilizations will be long lost. Fragments from 2023 may still be washed up on beaches or lost underwater.
100,000 Years in the Future
In geological and evolutionary terms 100,000 years is very short. The cycle of day and night continues. The continents have moved a few kilometers. Species have evolved but not too drastically.
The climate will be different. Volcanoes and earthquakes have shattered the continents. The Yellowstone supervolcano has erupted and the San Andreas Fault has ripped California from the continent. Sea levels have changed.
The ability of humans to build or destroy has multiplied by orders of magnitude over the millenia. Human civilization will either be amazing or extinct. If we survive, we will have learned painful lessons on extinction or revival. Sentient beings of some form will exist to witness the sunrise in 102023.
1,000,000 Years in the Future
Over a million years, evolution changes the living world. Every animal and plant species will have changed. New species will thrive while others have perished. Perhaps insects are ascendent over mammals. Humans may have disappeared from the earth’s ecosystem (moving to another planetary system?). Will the world hark back to the time of dinosaurs where life was brutal, dangerous and deadly?
The sun continues to shine offering beautiful sunrises and sunsets every day for whatever creatures roam the planet. There have been over 365,000,000 sunsets since I went skiing.
Planet earth will continue to exist with oceans and continents that have moved to different places. New mountain ranges will rise up and other regions will sink beneath the sea. Who knows what animals and plants will prosper in an atmosphere of vastly different gases. Surely new life forms will dominate the planet. Fortunately living organisms continue to evolve and exist. They will inhabit the earth for another 100 million years.
1,000,000,000 Years in the Future
In a billion years the sun may transform into a red giant, dramatically increasing in size. The oceans and atmosphere will boil and burn away leaving only a rocky crust.
Red sun rising over a dessicated earth
This might be the end of life on earth, but there is something comforting about the immensely long cycle of life in which I have played a minor but real part.
3,000,000,000 Years from Now
In a few billion years, the sun expands massively and explodes as a dying star, ending the cycle of sunrises on earth forever. The earth disappears in the supernova. The end has finally come.
The many sides of the supernova remnant Cassiopeia A. Located 10,000 light-years away in the northern constellation Cassiopeia, Cassiopeia A is the remnant of a once massive star that died in a violent supernova explosion 325 years ago. Hubble Space Telescope (HST), Spitzer Space Telescope. (Photo by: Universal History Archive/Universal Images Group via Getty Images)
Epilogue
At the edge of All the Ages A Knight sate on his steed, His armour red and thin with rust, His soul from sorrow freed; And he lifted up his visor From a face of skin and bone, And his horse turned head and whinnied As the twain stood there alone.
No bird above that steep of time Sang of a livelong quest; No wind breathed, Rest: ‘Lone for an end!’ cried Knight to steed, Loosed an eager rein– Charged with his challenge into Space: And quiet did quiet remain.
by Walter De la Mare (1873 – 1956), “The Song of Fini
It’s 2024 and time for new resolutions. What needs to change?
As I work on this post, I am eating breakfast while I check my phone for emails. Music is playing, as I stretch my sore knee and type another sentence. The day is rushing by as my mind jumps from thought to thought. I won’t feel happy until this post is published. This busyness has a familiar pattern.
Business and Busyness
I have worked hard all my life. When I retired from my science career, I became a full-time art student. After my BFA, I began a career in art.
For a decade I immersed myself in the art business. I built a portfolio, developed a niche, and made lots and lots of paintings. I networked, marketed and sold my art. It was (and is) stressfully satisfying. I have always been busy.
Creating Time
Over the decades I prioritized efficiency and speed to create more time for productivity.
I multitasked everything I could. I planned breakfast when I showered, evaluated traffic when I ate and theorized science as I commuted.
I juggled 3 or 4 activities simultaneously. I would read a book, listen to music, look after the baby, and do yoga.
Chasing Carrots
Multitasking was a carrot for saving time and completing my ‘to do’ list.
I rushed through everything I could. No time to waste! Why walk when you could run? I learned to speed read and paint fast. I crammed my day with frenetic activity.
I set goals, some small, some large, some unattainable. My happiness depended on these markers of success. I delayed any gratification to only the highest outcomes. Pain was part of the gain. Happiness depended on success.
Rushing Roulette
While I was highly productive in reaching goals. I had a problem: my mind was always somewhere else and one step ahead. The destination was my top priority and much was lost in this preoccupation.
The future was my focus, and the present always seemed a distraction and not a place to linger. I regret the moments I never savoured. I didn’t stop to hear my son’s laugh or enjoy my dog’s playfulness. I had been gambling the present for some unreachable future. I still am gambling away the present.
If happiness was the destination, the satisfaction was short lived. As quickly as one goal was attained, new ones were set. The train headed for a new destination before I could appreciate where I was. I was always on my way to somewhere else.
Limited
I am riding on a limited express, one of the crack trains of the nation. Hurtling across the prairie into blue haze and dark air go fifteen all-steel coaches holding a thousand people. (All the coaches shall be scrap and rust and all the men and women laughing in the diners and sleepers shall pass into ashes.) I ask a man in the smoker where he going and he answers: “Omaha.”
I realize I have been on the express train to Omaha most of my adult life. I don’t want to take that train anymore. I look out the window and see life flashing past as a blur as I wait for Omaha to come into view. Then what?
Something big is missing. Satisfaction or contentment? It’s time I resolve to change how I live.
“… To the mortal man We work our jobs Collect our pay Believe we’re gliding down the highway When in fact we’re slip slidin’ away Slip slidin’ away Slip slidin’ away You know the nearer your destination The more you’re slip slidin’ away”
Paul Simon- Slip Sliden Away
Resolving to Change
I have made my happiness and satisfaction depend on future destinations. Getting off the express train doesn’t mean my journey is over. I need to change my concept of living. I no longer need to be so efficient or accomplished. I want to find a slower heartfelt trail- where I can smell the honeysuckle.
Exploring Plaster
Painted Bottles
I want unstructured time. I want curiosity without regard to commercial sales. I want to paint portraits, carve wood, and make coloured glass bottles. I want to mess around.
I need to change my lifelong habits of rushing and multi-tasking my life.
Can I make the present more important than the future? Is it the journey itself that counts?
I have been telling myself “I will be happy when I get there’.
Maybe I need to say ‘I can be happy while I am getting there.”
I need to find out.
I am being driven forward into an unknown land. The pass grows steeper and the air colder and sharper. A wind from my unknown goal stirs the strings of expectation. Still the question- Shall I ever get there? There, where life resounds, A clear pure note In the silence
Publishing the agingartist blog has been gratifying. The more I publish, the more I feel motivated to address new topics.
As I ponder what to do, I stare out the window. My mind seems preoccupied as I contemplate the view. Is this procrastination or something else?
The Creative Process
Beginning a creative process seems chaotic. It starts with questions rather than answers. What am I curious about? What do I want to learn? What is making news in art?
From this cloud of questions come possibilities. How does technology influence art making? Are we oversaturated with imagery? What makes an image meaningful?
How do I turn these fuzzy thoughts into publishable material? That’s my problem.
Deduction and Induction
We use two thought processes, deduction and induction, to solve problems.
We often start with deduction: breaking a problem down into logical parts, then analysing each part for solutions. It’s like taking a motor apart and reassembling it with better components.
Perspiration or Inspiration
Sometimes a problem is unsolvable using deductive methods alone. We can hit a roadblock with no obvious way ahead. We get the urge to get up from the desk and pace around the room, or stare blankly out the window.
I was always puzzled by this urge to stop and take a break. I felt that I needed to think harder and to keep my nose to the grindstone until I cracked the problem. That approach often doesn’t work.
At an impasse we need to rethink the problem and consider unusual ‘outside the box’ possibilities . At this frustration point, we need to switch to inductive thinking.
Amnesia
?????
To digress, consider what happens when we can’t recall a name. Suppose we forget the name of a person we haven’t seen in awhile, or the name of an old movie, book or song. Try as we might, we can’t remember that ##@$# name! When we give up trying and resume other activities, the forgotten name suddenly comes to mind. Ah ha!
Inspiration
Unconscious Mind
Sometimes the unconscious part of me needs to take over the problem. It uses a myriad of circuits and processes that the conscious mind cannot access.
It takes time for the inductive process to digest the information in this unknowable way. That’s when the urge stop and stare out the window strikes. The subconscious mind is telling the deductive mind to go away. In the background while I am preoccupied with other things, my subconscious is fully engaged with the problem. When I am out on a walk, doing household chores, or at 4 am when I can’t sleep, a solution to will present itself, seemingly out of nowhere. Amazing and wonderful!
Is this inspiration at work? Unlike deductive thinking which follows a logical sequence of steps to a solution, inductive thinking or intuition is a mysterious process. It is the basis of creativity.
Deciding on topics for this blog requires retrieving information accumulated over a lifetime and buried in my memory. I need to relax and let the innate ‘Google’ inside of me find what I am looking for. The ‘light bulb’ will glow once the sunconscious mind is ready.
Intuition and Painting
Inductive thinking is a crucial ingredient of painting. We start with an vast number of options: what to paint and how to paint. We need to decide on topics, composition, medium, style, etc., etc. Our intuition makes some choices.
We start by deductively choosing colours and making marks .
Eventually these ideas are depleted. We pause and take a break while unconsciously thinking about the painting. A few hours or days later we return and see the painting with fresh eyes. This ‘deduce, pause, induce/ inspire’ cycle repeats over and over. The end product is often a surprise and not anything like our initial idea.
Here is a photograph that inspired a painting and the final landscape.
Original Photo and Final Painting
My idea of a productive day, as both a child and an adult, was reading for hours and staring out the window.“
Here is an interesting story about windows. I once worked at a research laboratory that had a beautiful outlook over the ocean with snow-covered mountains on the horizon.
View of Juan d Fuca Strait and the Olympic Mountains
Strangely, the large windows in every office were high on the wall so you could not see the marvelous view unless you were actually standing at the window.
Research Laboratory with high windows
I was told that the original laboratory manager had the building designed to prevent scientists from wasting time looking out the windows at the view. He must have been a deductive thinker and consequently quelled the creation of countless inspired ideas.
Looking out of windows is not procrastination: it is part of the creative process!
The results of my inductive contemplations will be evident in my future 2023 blog posts.
I have always aspired to be part of the ‘In Crowd’. These are the people with the talent, beauty, or wealth that formed an inner circle of elites. To belong to this exclusive group is the mark of success and status. In high school I was envious of classmates who were more popular, more athletic, more handsome. I wanted what they had. I was unhappy about my inadequacy.
When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state, And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries, And look upon myself and curse my fate, Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, Featured like him, like him with friends possessed, Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope, With what I most enjoy contented least;…
As a consequence, I imagined there must be a hierarchy of people based on their talent, beauty or wealth. The beautiful, rich and talented ones were superior to me while all others were in some way inferior. I envied those I judged to be superior and ignored those who were far below. This judgment colours many social situations.
Chasing Success
Society seems to reward achievement. Fame and reward go to those who succeed. Since I was a boy I have had this desire to be better than I am. I had to learn, study, and practice to be better in all aspects of my life.
In my need to succeed, I based my personal worth on performance. My sense of well being was dependent on approval. Instead of accepting that I was not musical or good at baseball, I concluded that I was a flawed person because of my poor skills. Even in activities I was good at, I found people who were better (hence superior) to me.
Much of my adult life I have felt an inadequacy about my capabilities, particularly in art. I still see the hierarchy that defines my place within the art world. I want to be invited into ‘In Crowd’, but often feel on the outside looking in and looking up.
Worthy or Not?
Awareness of my attitude came while attending my son’s grade 2 Christmas concert. As each class performed, I looked at the children. I noticed the kids with the best costume, the best voice, or the prettiest appearance.
Who Do I see?
Then I heard an inner voice say “Look at the children who are unseen”. I started seeing the plain kids, the shy ones, and those I judged to be unattractive. I suddenly felt terrible. Aren’t all children worthy of consideration?
In that moment I saw an ugly truth about my attitude. Those I judged above me deserved my respect. Those below were ignored and unworthy of my attention.
Who is worthy?
Who am I to judge anyone’s worth? Aren’t we all worthy of acceptance and inclusion? Can I be accepted even if I fail to impress? Maybe if I accepted others for their present capabilities, I could feel accepted too.
It’s not only others who I am shunning. I am also shunning parts of me that I consider inferior. Can I bring myself back into wholeness with a more inclusive outlook?
As I get older, the more I stay focused on the acceptance of myself and others, and choose compassion over judgment and curiosity over fear.“
No wonder my need for achievement was so important. If I failed to perform, I would be unworthy. I would feel shame in the presence of superior artists. My artwork would be judged and dismissed by the serious art world.
Still wanting to join an exclusive club of ‘successful’ artists is misdirected effort. Rather than feeling despondent that I am not a leading artist, or a prestigious award winner or a media favourite, it’s time that I accepted myself for who I am as an artist. Rather than lamenting what I am not, I want to feel that I have a role in the art scene.
I Don’t Want to Belong to Any Club That Will Accept Me as a Member
I no longer want the art world to feel like an elitist hierarchy where I feel excluded. I want the art world to be a community of unique creators. I want to embrace the community of artists that I already know. I want to welcome artists who may be unseen and unappreciated.
All artists start as novices. Like the children in the Christmas concert, we are first unseen and unrecognized. Through continuous effort and years of practice we work our way to success and recognition. The journey starts with the sheer love of making marks on paper, doodling or mixing colours. These worthy activities are necessary for something new to arise.
Making marks, splashing colour, doodling, finding sermons in stones, patterns in wood
Accepting Results
Not everyone climbs to the top of the art pyramid. Recognition and reward often lie beyond our control. We need to accept the rewards we are given. That should be perfectly fine. Our self worth is not dependent on achievement. We can be satisfied with the effort we make. The true reward is the journey we take in pursuing our dreams.
The journey between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of life really takes place. –
