What’s with this event called “Happy Birthday”? It happens once a year to everyone. It’s a day when we get to eat cake, blow out candles and indulge in having our way for 24 hours.
Birthdays were great when we were 9 or 10 and probably peaked at the age of 21 when we became real adults who could drink and vote.
Now as the decades pass, a birthday isn’t so much fun. Like Cinderella after the clock strikes midnight, we are left in tatters. “Holy Bleep!” We are a year older, we look in the mirror and imagine we see a more wrinkles, less hair, and our memory about yesterday has disappeared. We look more like the pumpkin. than prince charming.
We know we are getting old when It takes twice as long – to look half as good.
we know we are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt – doesn’t work.
We know we are old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Pessimistically Optimistic
A birthday happened to me last weekend. I am faced with the cruel reality that I am a year older.
This could be a happy occasion, but I am unsure. The pessimist in me sees the sand draining from the hourglass, and feels infirmities slowly prevailing. Darwin told us only the fittest survive, and I survived another year.
The optimist in me wants to celebrate a year well lived with many many happy moments. My optimist is grateful for the parts that still function well. There is much more than mere survival.
It is not my habit to celebrate my birthday extravagantly. It’s a time of quiet introspection and resolve. It is a time to make changes based on recent experiences.
Magnificence
I once belonged to a men’s support group. We shared experiences in order to have fuller lives. Each meeting ended with this affirmation:
“We love and accept you just the way you are- in all your magnificence.”
At first this seemed to be an insincere and ridiculous affirmation. We were average, we were broken is various ways. We didn’t love ourselves very much.
However, something happens when we look at each other differently. The key phrase “just the way you are”, means we are worthy right now. We don’t need to improve, or achieve or become. We are accepted unconditionally. We are worthy, we are magnificent!
“Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.”
Brené Brown
Figure drawing helped me see this clearly. As I draw the person before me, I am seeking something unique, something about their spirit. If I am observant enough, I might capture a bit of their magnificence. They are beautiful just the way they are.
Drawings from winter/ spring 2023
My birthday is a good time to apply this affirmation to myself, for myself.
I acknowledge my magnificence just the way I am.
If I don’t see myself as special, no outside compliment will overcome my critical self judgement.
It’s time for me to find and acknowledge my own uniqueness, my own magnificence- if only for a moment. I am worthy.
That is my birthday present.
I don’t know a perfect person. I only know flawed people who are still worth loving.”
John Green
Really love this post, Ron.
Birthdays ought to be just sweet remembrances acknowledging we are thought about and loved but sometimes the sweetness gets lost in the programming of celebrations and the shift to materialistic measures of love.
Instead of waiting a year for the annual events maybe we should just randomly pick a day and have cake for breakfast while painting our masterpieces? Give me a shout if you’re feeling like celebrating Happy.