It has been months since I last made an entry to this blog. Have I disappeared? What happened to me?
Life Happens
Here’s a synopsis.
There was a death in the family. I gave a eulogy.
I shopped and cooked and cleaned and washed. I sweated and bathed. I was inspired and exhausted.
I walked for miles in nature. I mowed and planted, and pruned and weeded. I got vaccinated and caught COVID. I had a concussion.
I organized life drawing classes. My art was on show to help save the wilderness. I painted landscape abstractions and the sundeck. I cared for two cats and painted their portraits.
I played hockey and soccer and came home tired and elated. I lifted weights, did yoga and checked my blood pressure.
I was sad and happy and restless and content. I was lonely and enveloped.
I attended my son’s masters degree convocation. I celebrated my 80th birthday. I scattered ashes from a boat. I paid homage to my Japanese heritage.
I absorbed or avoided social media. I watched videos and listened to music. I learned and I remembered. I was bored and impatient. I was soothed and touched, uplifted and shocked.
A Melange
Life continues unabated. My priorities change day to day. I don’t know how I will feel today. I am not concerned by this.
The Present
I am appreciating the here and now for whatever that brings. Every day brings something new, if I allow it.
The ‘on line’ me may have disappeared for awhile, but I am more present than ever before.
I expected 2024 to unfold like the year before. I expected it to be comfortable and routine.
Extremism
2024 was the worst of times. The external world and my personal world were unexpectedly chaotic. (Okay, I should have expected the outer world to be an unpredictable mess.) There were housing crises, immigration crises, and political crises. There were hurricanes, floods, forest fires and extreme heat. Economies faced inflation and stagnation. There were revolutions and wars. Artificial Intelligence threatened jobs and humanity.
Down in the Depths
Personally 2024 began with the threat of metastatic cancer. Numerous tests and scans identified prostate cancer and I underwent intense radiation and hormone therapy. It was unpleasant but necessary. In September I had a trabeculectomy to stabilize the glaucoma in my right eye. For a month my eyesight was blurry, and I couldn’t drive or exert myself.
These infirmities overtook my sense of wellbeing. Giving up driving, giving up sports and giving up painting and living a shorter life seemed imminent possibilities.
I felt angry and upset at the way the world was unfolding. I was sad and disappointed. I have been despairing, anxious and reactive. I have felt impatient, frustrated, numb and heartbroken.
Uprisings
Eventually my optimism returned,.In November my oncologist confirmed that my prostate cancer had been eliminated. My eyesight recovered sufficiently to allow me to drive and to play sports. I was able to resume my normal life.
All that I had lost during my infirmity was rediscovered, but with much more value. Normal wasn’t just normal any more. It became wonderful!
I have felt surprised and encouraged, hopeful and appreciative. I have felt relief and compassion, I have experienced thankfulness and contentment. I have felt humbled and honoured.
The Best of Times
Accepting the limits of life changed my perspective. Sometimes I feel unbidden joy and and deep elation. Ultimately 2024 made me much more appreciative of my life. I want to feel the full gamut of emotions.
I want to love, hate, fight for (and against) this crazy unfathomable, overwhelmingly complex ugly and beautiful world.
Health is my priority this autumn. I completed 20 days of radiation for prostate cancer. I still suffer side effects in my lower digestive tract. I am continuing with 18 months. of androgen deprivation therapy to remove all testosterone (the source of nutrition for cancer cells) from my body.
How have I been affected by cancer? Here are some experiences during my 20 episodes of radiation.
For every session I lie at a precise position inside a doughnut shaped machine . The machine inspects my body and locates the prostate. I hear the machine emit 12 shots of high energy radiation with a bee-like buzz. I lie motionless and feel nothing. I trust that my cells will respond and a cure is taking place.
I am beholden to the science of medicine and the machines that precisely attack tumours and cancer cells. We patients are relying on technology that lies far beyond our control and comprehension.
I feel indebted to the staff at the Halifax Radiation Centre. Like most human organizations, it has shortcomings and limitations, but the people there are empathetic and helpful. I trust them. Each session proceeds with careful attention to detail.
Prostate radiation requires a routine to ensure that the lower digestive organs stay in place, away from the prostate. Each day for 20 days I gulp a 1/2 liter of water in the waiting room and wait 3/4 hour for my bladder to fill.
Radiation Centre Waiting Room
The waiting room is full of radiation patients accompanied by supportive partners. My wife, Kim, is with me everyday. I wonder how cancer has impacted these other families. What are their stories? Are they feeling like us?
One day we recognize someone in the waiting room. We know her as a competent professional. She is wearing a hospital gown and slippers. We have an awkward chat. I feel a shock that she too is vulnerable to cancer.
A mother brings a child in a wheelchair to the waiting room. My eyes water up as I wonder what illness brought this girl to the Radiation Centre. On other days her anguished cries can be heard as she protests yet another treatment.
KIm brings a bag of art supplies to the waiting room. Each day she draws something in a small book . By the end of the treatments her book is filled with tiny captivating images.
I read articles on my iPhone as I wait for my turn. There are stories of unexpected death. A billionaire and colleagues drown when their super yacht capsized in a freak storm. Two professional hockey players are killed by a drunk driver while bicycling.
Webpages on prostate cancer describe a wide range of scenarios and outcomes. While most patients survive, each situation is unique. Some men die despite all efforts. (Telly Savalas, 70 (actor), Frank Zappa, 52 (rock star), James Herriot, 79 (author), Francois Mitterrand, 79 (French President).
An artist friend confides that she has Parkinson’s disease. Her future may unfold with difficulty.
In the evenings I watch the TV Serial ‘Shogun’. It is a wonderful depiction of feudal Japan where life is never guaranteed, and death may be more honourable than living. The story examines the fragility and transience of life.
Our son came home from graduate school to spend time with us during my treatment. Moments swimming together at a lake or the ocean epitomized the summer vacation that I wanted so much.
One weekend I was carrying our kayak up a steep bank after a paddle. I lost my footing. In a flash I rolled down the bank, over stone stairs into the lake. The kayak landed on top of me. Stunned, I stumbled out of the water with red bruises on my arms and legs. It could have been much worse- a broken arm, a broken hip, or a concussion. The lifeguards patched me up.
These experiences have metastasized within my subconscious and profoundly changed me.
Transformation
These weeks of treatmentm while difficult, feel precious in retrospect. Thinking about life is not the same as experiencing the reality of life.
Intellectually I have known the following truths: money and fame don’t guarantee a long life; health is fragile and precious; family time is rare can’t be taken for granted. This cancer hit me with these realities to show what they truly mean.
My life may be ordinary and quietly uneventful. Now I see it is full of wonderful moments! I sit in my garden and marvel at its beauty and its freshness.
I am grateful to be playing sports or preparing a meal. I am not waiting for a better game tomorrow. I am enjoying my experience today.
Revelation
Uncalled for feelings arise within me.! Strong emotions flood over me and through me. I experience moments of pure rapture! It’s wonderful. Isn’t that the ultimate goal for an artist?
Rapture: it’s happiness so extreme that you just about float to heaven… Traditionally reserved for those feeling spiritual ecstasy, rapture now extends to anyone feeling overwhelmed by emotion. ” Google
Experiences cannot be preserved but must be savoured when they happen. Waiting for a happier future may be an illusion. The present moment holds all the ingredients to happiness.
Does my encounter with cancer make me fear death more? Not really. My infirmity has offered a lesson- that life is precious. My ordinary life seems more valuable than ever.
There may not be a tomorrow! I must experience the present, no matter how imperfect, for whatever it offers.
“How beautiful life is and how sad! How fleeting, with no past and no future, only a limitless now.” ― James Clavell, Shōgun
In my post, Blogging for Profit, I lamented on the clamour for publicity in the desire for money and profit. I emphasized the nefarious ways websites and magazines generate reader clicks and subscriptions.
There are also legitimate ways to get noticed. If the quality of the product is excellent, and the service is required, a business should succeed. The same is true in art.
Paying to Survive
The business of art requires profits. Professional artists need to sell their work to earn a living. Art galleries need to earn a commission on sales to keep operating. Museums and public galleries need customers to pay for their infrastructure. Publicity is required to induce patrons and customers to view art and make purchases.
How do artists become known? Let’s look at some famous artists.
Provocation in Art
One way to become famous is to be provocative. Over the centuries artists achieved prominence by provoking society to see art and culture in new ways.
Classical painting previously painted the ruling and upper classes, mythic gods and religious narratives. Gustave Courbet and Eduoard Manet painted ordinary people (even prostitutes) as legitimate subject matter, shocking public sensibilities.
Manet’s Olympia
The Impressionist and the Expressionist painters broke convention by painting in unrealistic colours and distorting perspective. This shocked and upset many art patrons and public sensibilities.
Picasso broke the picture into cubes, and the Fauves used garish colours in their compositions. Picasso created disturbing, ugly paintings to convey the horrors of warfare.
Pablo Picasso
Rene Magritte, Marcel Duchamp and Philip Guston disrupted the conventions of what constitutes art.
Ren Magritte?Marcel Duchamp : UrinalPhilip Guston
These paintings provoked the viewer into uncomfortable emotions and outrage. They upset cultural sensibilities. They created art which did not evoke skill, inspiration, or beauty.
Getting Attention
Thus urge to provoke and upset continues today. Some artists are at the forefront of social change, confronting racism, women’s rights, injustice, and any and every social norm.
As we become more inured to what is shocking, each generation of artists finds more outrageous ways to provoke. We have human portraits sculpted from frozen blood, huge sharks preserved in glass tanks of formaldehyde, canned human excrement, or a banana taped to a gallery wall.
Do we have to go to further extremes to get publicity? Hopefully we can look elsewhere for the answer.
Finding Provocation
As artists and creators how can we be provocative? Being provocative means pushing ourselves to be more expressive, more introspective, more sensitive to our discourse while keeping true to ourselves and our values.
The essence of art making is to create a reaction in ourselves and the viewer that goes way beyond ‘meh’.
Learning to Provoke
In art school our art projects stimulated creativity and pushed us to find our visual voice. The studio creations showed how unique each student could be. Critiques and evaluations provided valuable feedback on what was effective and what was deficient.
Art school helped me to be provocative and expressive. An example is a portrait of Marcel Duchamp I painted (below). My objective was to provoke the provoker by mocking his urinal sculpture (note the little turds and urinal).
I realize this was just an art school joke about my belief that a urinal is not art.
Art should be more than a contrived ‘Look at me!” or “See how clever I am”.
Taboos
Provocation can also be accidental. For example nudity is a topic with the potential to be misinterpreted. For some audiences it is a taboo and can be mistaken for pornography.
Figure Drawings
I enjoy drawing the human figure. I want to show its grace and beauty. Is my drawing provocative and titillating to the viewer for purient reasons?
Am I using nudity for shock? Certainly with society’s sensitivity to equality and gender issues, a male artist drawing a female may be considered inappropriate and his art no longer legitimate. Should I only draw male nudes? Or unattractive nudes? I don’t know the answer.
Other taboo subjects that can be provocative include portraying religious and political beliefs or deeply held social conventions. Using Nazi symbols, mocking God, or Buddha, showing sexual acts, or vivid scenes of carnage are all provocative and socially taboo. An artist who invokes these topics should expect or welcome controversy and ostracism.
Banksy showing an iconic image from Vietnam war with Mickey and Ronald MacDonald
As an activist, Banksy uses art as a way to raise awareness and protest against current issues such as climate change, military conflicts, and poverty.
The word ‘provoke’ is itself provoking. Other words may better describe what our incentive should be. We want to ‘instill’ or ‘inspire’ or ‘evoke’ or ‘reveal’ or ‘awaken’ something in the viewer. When we have created something special or meaningful, we want to offer it to an audience.
We want our creation to be authentic to who we are, what we see, what we feel, what we believe, what really moves us. If publicity has any value we want the publicity to further our reputation. We want our name aligned with the art we create.
In my last year of art school each graduate created a body of work for public viewing. The artists’ statements offer insight into the motivations, intentions and framework behind the shows. This is what provokes the artist.
Here is part of my artist statement for my graduate show: “Public Place, Private Space”
“My cityscape paintings portray settings which create ambivalent and contradictory feelings, such as inspiration and intimidation, freedom and confinement. Does the city offer beauty or brutality, utility or complexity, ease or anxiety? These paintings look at the confusions and contradictions created within people and places by modern technology.”
Ron Kuwahara
The paintings below convey the effect of cityscapes on its citizens.
These painting align with my intentions and helps me to build the reputation that I want. I want to be known as an artist who cares about the well-being of the ordinary citizen.
Summary
Art needs to create a reaction in the viewer, some works are provocative, some are subtle, some are subliminal. When an artist finds that ‘buzz’, the work and the resultant publicity is successful. It assists the artist in building a reputation and a viewership.
When I’m at my best, I’m trying to destabilize myself and figure out new ways of approaching art as a provocation. I think I am at my best when I push myself into a place where I don’t have all the answers.
Art is the provocation for talking about enigma and the search for sense in human life. One can do that by telling a story or writing about a fresco by Giotto or studying how a snail climbs up a wall.
